Anime Rant

Posted 3 years, 11 months ago at 1:10 pm. 1 comment

People: this is just a warning to the masses. A new reason to fear your next door neighbor. A new reason to avoid that nice looking teen at the bus stop. That reason, my friends, is a strange new obsession sweeping the late teen-early twenties-old freaky people- masses, and that obsession is Anime.

Dictionary.com defines Anime as :

an·i·me

A style of animation developed in Japan, characterized by stylized colorful art, futuristic settings, violence, and sex.

In the hands of your ordinary primary schooler, who indulges in DBZ and variants, Anime can be a wonderful adventure. Of course, this is where Anime lands it’s first victims, so please, don’t let your child become to involved. Buying figurines of said cartoons is a BIG no-no.

So, I hear you asking, Why should we fear Anime nerds? What have they ever done to us?

Folks, meet Jester. Please, view the image, get to know your enemy.

We’re still unsure of “Jester”’s real name. It’s either Josh, or Steve. I implore you- If you see this boy on your streets, hugging your tv or putting an anime mask on your daughter (/son, we don’t know what these people are truly like), don’t hesitate to grab a spray bottle full of acid and spray it at him, or roll up a newspaper, and smack him square in the nose, yelling “Bad Steve-Josh! Bad boy!”

But Wait, you say, What has this boy done! We can tell that’s not actually him, hugging all that ugly junk!

I wouldn’t be doing this unless I really had to. Beware, enclosed are the rantings of a sick, sick child, so shield the eyes of the young and old, the weak and the weak stomached. However, I present to you now, The Log.

As you can see with your own eyes, this boy is sick.

Lets start with the last quote, shall we?

First sign of obsessive anime addiction:

[18:56] [jester] oh and trying to redeem my self, regarding that quote ” i’d rather spent an evening
with Kagome, Chii, Aoi or Miina then my girlfriend kinda” well I won’t deny that… I won’t
deny that Miina-san, Aoi, Chii or Kagome are cuter then my girlfriend, they are Super cute

and too be honest I don’t think theirs anything wrong with prefering to watch some Super cute
chicks all night over watching some stupid movie with my girlfriend for an hour or 2.

Valuing time spent with CARTOONS over time spent with loved ones. When bought up with these sick individuals, they claim that animated characters ARE loved ones. Don’t worry readers, I too am shaking my head in disgust.

Second sign of obsessive anime addiction:

[13:01] [jester] mm have you ever had one of those dreams where your ex-girlfriend like turn’s into
a really cute anime chick and is all over you.
[13:01] [jester] still got that in my head form this morning.
[13:01] [sirpnut] ROFL
[13:02] [jester] no? anything similar ?

[13:02] [sirpnut] not even close
[13:02] [sirpnut] lemme guess…. you have the reverse too?
[13:02] [sirpnut] err..
[13:02] [jester] I want my ex girlfriend back now.
[13:02] [sirpnut]only… nobody turns into anything
[13:03] [sirpnut] and some cute anime chick just walks up and is all over you

[13:03] [sirpnut] and you have cute 1/2 anime babies?
[13:03] [jester] no
[13:03] [jester] well yes
[13:03] [jester] some anime chicks are fugly
[13:03] [jester] girls in Rurouni Kenshin were pretty average
[13:04] [jester] no girl that cameup to me was Aoi’s friend from AI Yori Aoshi.

[13:05] [jester] came up and wrapped her arms around my neck and had one of those really cute faces
that some anime girls pull.
[13:06]
[13:06] * Jester whimpers
[13:08] [jester] mmm I hope GregZ0r isn’t active.
[13:08] [jester] keep talking so this can hopefully run out of everyones buffer.

Having sexual dreams about cartoon characters- and enjoying them. As seen above, this dream (involving a non existant ‘person’ as he refers to it) inspired him toreconcile with his ex-girlfriend.

Third sign of obsessive anime addiction:

[19:36] [SirPNut] [13:01] [Jester] mm have you ever had one of those dreams where your ex-girlfriend
like turn’s into a really cute anime chick and is all over you.

[19:36] [SirPNut] [13:01] [Jester] still got that in my head form this morning.
[19:36] [@Jester] fuck off
[19:36] [@Jester] that wasn’t AOi
[19:37] [@Jester] I can’t remember exactly who it was now.. but it was one of the less cute anime
girls because I remember being kinda dissapointed
[19:37] [@Jester] noo.
[19:37] [@Jester] Aoi is cheating on me…. Sticks

Thinking that characters from anime are cheating on you with people from the internet that you’ve never met before.

Fourth sign of obsessive anime addiction:

[22:13] [Jester] you and skitzo are the most insensitive guys i’ve talked to.

[22:14] [Jester] at least show some sympathy
[22:14] [@Skitzo] No, we just don’t get off over anime.
[22:14] [@Skitzo] Well.. SirPNut might
[22:14] [Jester] well that’s great I do too.

[22:30] [Jester] oh shutup you’ve jerked off over ihatso more then I have you freak

Admitting to masturbating over ihatso/hentai. (Urban Dictionary defines hentai as: Japanese for “pervert.” Literally “strange desires.” In American usage it more often refers to Japanese porn, especially in cartoons. Urban Dictionary defines IHATSO as: Acronym for Insane hentai alien tenticle sex orgies. Alternate meaning for Anime, the asian cartoon form.)

Fifth sign of obsessive anime addiction:

[22:32] [Jester] I’m normal

Denial.