I’m at work, right this very second (I borrowed some paper and a pen due to mucho boredomo) and am amazed at the calibre of idiocy these moronic Morayfield (woowoo, alliteration) neanderthals are capable of producing.

At Kleins I’m usually fairly happy- the manager is lovely, the work isn’t at all strenuous, and my brain can pretty much snooze. A perk (a big one) of the job is my hilariously wonderful workmate and ex-school friend Candice. We keep each other in stitches, sometimes literally holding our sides and rolling on the floor laughing, which enables time to fly on past.

So far, the job sounds great, right? I mean, good company, lots of laughs, easy work…?

Enter Mary Morayfield. From a distance she has all the characteristics used to define the neanderthal, including the sloping forehead and protuding jaw. This particular breed of neanderthals are usually shoeless, with dirty clothing and with several missing teeth. Combine this with a rampant case of extreme stupidity (that appears to be passed on from generation to generation) and horrible body odor, and you have a fairly accurate description of our stores target adult market. Sadly, I’m not joking.

We often run in-stroe promotions involving free scratchies.

These scratches take discounts off the different items in store, and are handed out when people enter the store.

These raving (sorry, got interrupted by a woman with a bleached, curly mullet: Thank you, home bleaching kits!) lunatics, when offered scratchies usually respond with:

1. Are they free?

Of course they’re free, you freaking idiot, we wouldn’t offer them to you if they actually cost anything. We know you’re all cheap.

2. Sorry, I don’t gamble.
You’re not gambling, you stammering fool, it’s a FREE scratchie, giving you a DISCOUNT.

3. “no”

‘but they’re free..’
“nah, i’m right”
‘it’s for a discount, actually, you just scratch it off, and that’s the discount you take off the items’
“Wow, how much!?”
“*FREE, YOU FREAKING IDIOT* They’re free “

Once these idiots realise it’s free/refuse to understand theat we’re trying to save them money (we know that welfare only pay so much..) and leave/spend a few dollars, it comes to be a lot less frustrating to have a laugh at their expense with candice.

We also run another promotion: Club Cards.
Club Cards cost $2.50, and give a 10% discount on top of any scratchie discount. Now, obviously, when you spend over $25 the card is free, because 10% of $25 dollars is $2.50, and comes off automatically.

When selling items to a customer, if they spend ~$25, we tell them the card is free, inform them of the benefits and are generally able to give them a card. However, from time to time, Mary Morayfield rears her ugly head and communicates to us through a series of clicks and grunts just how much she doesn’t want a free discount.
After we explain to them, in words with minimal syllables, the neanderthals dark and non-responsive eyes light up, and she informs her offspring of the wonderous things they are about to recieve. However, generally, she stumbles away, breathing heavily, no clubcard in hand.

Candice would like to say something:

See you in the car,
Milhouse

<3 Candice