Love Hurts: warning signs that they’re bad for you.

Posted 3 years, 3 months ago at 7:58 pm. 3 comments

I stole this from something awful. Some of them are great. I’ll start with my favourites.

Warning sign - She doesn’t introduce you to any of her friends or family, and if anyone calls her on the phone, she’ll walk away to have the conversation. If you hear her mention what she’s doing, she’ll tell them something different from “I’m out with my boyfriend.” Your name never comes up at all. She keeps you secluded from everyone. You don’t get to go to her house.

What it means - She’s either married, engaged to be married, or she’s in a very serious relationship. You’re a fling.

Warning Sign
She never initiates phone calls, emails, or makes time for you anymore. You do all the planning, all the calling, all the emailing, and all the contact is initiated on your side.

What it means
She’s over you, and wants to break up, but can’t bring herself to do it. To test this theory, just stop calling/emailing/talking to her for a week, if she doesn’t call or email you once, break up with her, it’s over.

Warning Sign:
She claims to be over her ex, but they spend a ridiculous amount of time talking to each other, and she runs to him first when she’s hurt.

What it means:
She’s not over it.

Warning Sign:
She’s absolutely adorable, and has big, big puppy dog eyes that she turns on you every time she does something wrong (which is fairly fucking often.)

What it means:
Unless you can get over the puppy dog eyes, you’re screwed. You’re stuck until she’s done toying with you. When she is, it’s going to hurt like hell.

Warning Sign
He has a special friend that he never dated - she’s no ex-girlfriend. Instead, what’s far worse: they fooled around a bit but never dated. Now, she’s got that magic “what-if” status. I’d rather deal with an ex any day of the week.

What it Means
He’ll always be thinking of those times they were fooling around, and he’ll still be wondering what if. She has the benefits of being in the “friend” category (how can you get angry? It’s not like we dated!), but has the ex taint. Run. He’ll probably end up cheating on you with her.

*makes hrrrmph noise* WHAT IF? WHAT.. oh god.  I’ve heard that one before.

Warning Sign
She has mostly male friends, has always had mostly male friends and spends an inordinate amount of time “flirting” with them, even while she’s in a relationship with you.

What It Means
She’s going to leave you for one of them and then one of them for another one, because the flirting will eventually go too far. With just a little alcohol and the right circumstances, your relationship with her will go down the toilet after an ‘OH GOD, DRUNKEN ACCIDENT I’M SO SORRY!’ incident with Chad from American History 203.

Warning Sign
She spends a lot of time online, in chat rooms, in roleplaying games, on AIM, talking to other men who she’s known for far too long. She has an extraordinary amount of Livejournal/Xanga/whatever buddies who make flirty comments at her.

What It Means
You’re dating an internet attention whore who’s interested in anyone who’ll be interested in her. She’ll tell you your love is enough for her but it isn’t, and what that means is that she’s still jumping from relationship to relationship. Prepare for heartbreak.

Warning Sign
Best friend in the whole world is her ex-boyfriend of 4 years who calls too often and spends too much time trying to get her to hang out.

What It Means
The guy’s not over her yet and if she’s tolerating it that means she isn’t really over it either. She entertains his advances and is completely aware of what’s happening, even though she tells you he’s harmless over and over. Eventually they’ll share a quiet moment together when your back is turned and it’ll be over.

Warning Sign
Obsessed with partying, she can’t handle an evening when she isn’t A) drunk, B) the center of attention or C) doing something in a sexually volatile situation.

What It Means
Party girls don’t have boyfriends, they have flings. Don’t get attached. If you are, you’re fucked. If you think about this girl more than a minute after she leaves the next morning, you’re also fucked. If you’re dating this girl, go get tested for STDs. Yeah, she’s fun… but at what cost?

Alright, it’s your turn now! Share your best and most helpful warning signs, so that some of us may suffer less. Help your fellow man (or woman! Ladies, please post warning signs you’ve encountered!).