I am not Avery

Posted 1 year, 6 months ago at 5:34 am. 2 comments

I’m feeling all dumb again.

Obviously not dumb in the traditional sense of the word - I’m blabbing on, quite loudly, about useless miscellany as much as ever. I’m talking in the “I’m a retard and I can’t think of anything to write oh oh, I just thought of something - but wait, it’s coming out all retarded on the paper OH MAN I’ve gotta stop doing this to the trees” kind of dumb.

I’ve got a bunch of books in my newly assembled bookcase devoted to the art of writing, and writing well. Unfortunately, I never bothered to read them, aside from the parts specific to my WRIT1000 course.

So, I’ll put them on the to-do list. I’ll read a chapter or two a week and attempt to demonstrate the worldly writing advice right here for all to see. It’ll be the writing retards guide to “The Professional Writers Guide”, spaced over a few weeks, so people like me (people who feel like they’ve been abandoned by the english language, their vocabulary, and everything they ever learned in any english lesson, ever ever ever in their whole life ever) have a chance at grasping just exactly what the magical book is trying to impart upon us.

Okay, so, maybe I resent the magical book just a little. With my grasp upon the language that I’ve shared so much with, the language that has given me so much joy slipping, it annoys me that there are people out there who aren’t reliant on a series of stupid guides to aide their writing pursuits. These are the people who MAKE the guides. The English language has chosen them, and whispered her lusty, unforgettable secrets into their ears. While their smarmy arrogance isn’t at all deliberate, these people surround me, correcting my grammar and tense, and then go on to beat me at Scrabble. Sure, I’d give ‘em a run for their money in Boggle, but that’s only because of all the reverting I’ve been doing. Sub 5 letter words have become my forte. I’m in a “tree” “egg” and “the” niche. Wanna write a kids book? Count me in. I can write poop backwards.

I guess what I’m tiptoing around here, once again, is this: I miss learning. I want to know what an infinitive is, and why/how not to split it. I want to have a complete understanding of dangling modifiers. I want to know when, and why, I’m using auxiliary verbs.

Now I’ve bored you all with my incessant ramble, I’m going to share my updated to-do list again, for a couple of reasons. The first being that i haven’t updated much recently, and I need to pad this sucker out. Secondly, so you can all see how mundane my life is right now.

1. Washing - gotta do 1 load before/during breakfast so it can go in the dryer & another load can go in the machine before gym.

2. Gym - 1 hour on the treadmill, 10 minutes on the rowing machine.

3. Food shopping.

4. Plan what I’m eating this week. Probably best that I move this before the food shopping so I’m not wandering around the shop, looking at all the tasty things aimlessly.

5. Do the next fornights budget.

6. Read and write about the first few chapters of the PWG.

And there it is. My lame to-do list and summary of the challenges in my life for the next fortnight. Stay tuned for the Simpson’s inspired love affair between my socks and underpants.

Hugs and kisses.

PS.