People with umbrellas shit me.

Posted 11 months, 2 weeks ago at 10:35 am. 2 comments

I don’t mind walking in the rain so much.  Sure, getting completely soaked and then sitting in an air conditioned office isn’t that great.  Spending time putting on makeup so I don’t get mistaken for a homeless man and then getting it all messed up?  Not so great either.

Those things while not so great are bearable.  Acceptable, even.  Looking like a vagrant has its perks, in the form of change and not having to sit beside people on public transport.

Thoughtless idiots, however.  Thoughtless idiots with umbrellas.

Thoughtless idiots with umbrellas are not bearable or acceptable.

I’m aware of the fact that I’m starting to sound like a loon, but I’m genuinely irritated by this.  It’s becoming an issue.

The pathways in Brisbane?  Not so wide.  Most umbrellas?  Unbearably huge.  People in Brisbane seem to have a penchant for theiving semi permanent lawn shades and utilising them for portable protection from the elements.  Unluckily for those of us who prefer to travel light, particularly in wet weather, huge umbrellas have a tendency to DRIP FUCKING EVERYWHERE.

As if the idle, passive dripping weren’t irritating enough, how about the idiots, the utter dunderheads and dimwits who are compelled for some ungoldy reason to shake and spin their umbrellas whenever they get the opportunity.  I understand that it can be quite tiresome to carry around something that heavy, especially when burdened by the water they manage to catch.  I understand that they’re well within their rights to liberate the water from their umbrella.

I would appreciate it immensely if they didn’t liberate it quite so liberally.  I would encourage it.  Applaud it.  Throw imaginary roses.

What I’m trying to get at here, probably in the most roundabout way possible, is that it would be lovely if people were slightly more considerate with their umbrellas.  If a girl is finally under cover, squeezing water from her formerly shiny, luxurious locks and looking slightly more comfortable under cover, please don’t wave your umbrella around like a second rate cast member of singin’ in the rain and cover her with water again.

It’s just plain inconsiderate.  You fucks.